breaking out of the dating dry spell

My first boyfriend in high school once wrote me a tragically melodramatic poem. It was a birthday present, along with a deeply hideous picture frame his mother helped him pick out. I still have them kicking around in a box somewhere. At the time, I was appalled by his use of clichéd pathetic fallacy and horrible taste in home accessories. Dating during the awkward teenage years is much funnier in retrospect.

 

Some things don’t need distance to be funny. My best bad date story involves a guy I’d been out with twice, his dick, and a box. I am I alone in thinking that should have waited until I’d seen it outside the packaging? I blame Justin Timberlake and Andy Samburg for prematurely ruining a relationship that could have extended to at least a few more evenings on the town, and possibly included penis sans wrapping paper. I chose not to see him again, but that didn’t stop me from telling the story to pretty much everyone I know.

 

Clearly, the wide world of dating is fraught with hilarious disasters. But, for most of us, it is a necessary evil. And there are only so many Friends re-runs a girl can watch on a free evening. (Speaking of which, was Ross ANYONE’S favourite character? I mean, really? Inquiring minds want to know.) I’ve bitten the bullet and signed up for FastLife, so once more unto the breach I go, promising to bring you news from the front lines of the dating war. There are few things I will not try for you, dear readers, and a few things I may try and not tell you about.